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Dating After Divorce: How to Look for Love Again


Although divorce rates in the United States are at their lowest since 1970 (with 3.6 divorces per 1,000 people), the Associated Press estimates that 40-45 percent of all marriages will end in divorce.


When you begin dating again, remember it’s OK to relax and have fun.

Yet after a divorce or separation, most people still want to find a partner, someone they can share lives with. But, according to a study by Dutch researcher Anne-Rigt Poortman, divorce makes people desire less committed types of relationships, such as living together but not getting married.

As such, divorce lessens the chances of marrying or cohabiting again, particularly if children are involved, according to Poortman’s research. Interestingly, women are especially impacted, with their chances of finding a new relationship even slimmer than men’s.

Why such negative findings? It may be that a person’s previous negative experience makes them overly cautious, to the point that they miss out on opportunities for new and more fulfilling relationships.

"Fear absolutely devastates some people," says clinical psychologist Michael S. Broder, Ph.D., a former radio-talk-show host and author of The Art of Living Single, in a Psychology Today article. "It can be the fear of being hurt, rejected or involved, and it can stem from a history of having been hurt or of traumatic relationships. People can be very proficient in other parts of their lives, but the fear of dating can make them stay alone or pine for the relationship they left."

So for the a sizable portion of adults who are thrown back into the dating pool following a divorce, getting back into the dating game is a necessary part of finding a new partner, or even just adding some fun to your life, yet it can feel daunting.

Soothe Your Pre- and Post-Date Jitters With Pure Relaxation


The Pure Relaxation CD will calm your mind, soothe your emotions and create a state of deep relaxation in your body. These meditations are unique in that they guide you to relax in a natural, effortless way.

You will be amazed with how, by regularly listening to the CD, it has a powerful ability to help you relax and deal more effectively with nerves and anxiety throughout the day, every day.

Order the Pure Relaxation CD and Get FREE SHIPPING for a Limited Time!

How can you begin to get your feet wet, and finally take the plunge?

  1. Focus on YOU first. Get back into the single mindset by reconnecting with your inner self. What do you love to do? Are there friends you’ve lost touch with? Hobbies you’ve always wanted to try? A new career, perhaps? Now is the time immerse yourself in the things that make you happy, first and foremost.
  1. Don’t be too serious. The first time you meet someone, it may not be Mr. or Mrs. Right. But that’s OK. Allow yourself to go out for coffee, a movie or dancing just for the fun of it … even if you know it’s not someone you’re interested in for the long term.
  1. Nurture your support networks. Whether it’s old friends or new ones, formal support groups, or a weekly book club at the library, make sure you surround yourself with positive and supportive people who can help you through the hard times.
  1. Try something new. If you’re still unsure of how to meet someone, try going to a singles event or trying online dating. You could very well meet someone you click with.
  1. Relax. If you begin to feel uptight or stressed about dating, take a deep breath, or better yet listen to the guided meditations on the Pure Relaxation CD. Dating, despite a few first-date jitters or an occasional wrong match, should be fun.
  1. Wait to divulge everything. It’s fine to tell a new date that you’re divorced, and you should definitely let him or her know if you have kids, but do wait to get into all the nitty gritty details.
  1. Don’t settle. You probably have a better idea of what characteristics you’re looking for in a partner, perhaps more now than ever before. But loneliness or low self-esteem can make you get involved with the wrong type of person and up miserable anyway.
  1. Wait to get the kids involved. If you have children, be very picky about who you introduce them to. Kids can get attached quickly and may not understand why someone you were dating is no longer in their life.

Above all else, keep an open mind and follow your inner instincts. You’ll know when the time is right to begin dating … and you’ll know when you’ve found someone worth investing in emotionally once again.

Recommended Reading 

If You are Single and Over 35 (Or Over 45, Or Over 55), Now is the Time to Give THIS a Try ...

How to Break Up a Failing Romantic Relationship as Compassionately As Possible

Sources December 11, 2007 November 6, 2007 September 7, 2007 

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